I don't know what I want to write about. There are a lot of things that interest me but, they appear in my head as something like still images, or small cut scenes that aren't elaborate enough to be a story, but may be suitable for something like a music video. Sometimes I can take a small little detail like that and build something around it, and other times, it seems like a useless piece of thought that doesn't fit anywhere. Maybe it's just lack of effort and concentration on my part. It probably is.
I guess it would help to write out what I do like. I like urban settings. The city is much more interesting to me than the country side, which seems a lot more like a place you visit and not a place you call home. The country is a calm place where nature hasn't been too greatly disturbed, and goes out despite the presence of people. The city, however, is a place that has been overcome by humanity. It is so saturated that it begins to reflect their nature, to act with a personality that we can relate to and understand.
I like darkness in my writing, but I can't say that so plainly. Everyone seems to have their own definition of darkness, it seems, and a lot of them don't fit. Violence for example isn't of magnificent interest to me. We've become too desensitized to it, I think, or at least I have. Sexuality is another thing that's commonly thought of as being dark, but with the rampant availability of pornography everywhere you turn and peoples attempt to sensualize everything, the mood has lost its luster.
When I speak of darkness, I think of things like personal failure. I think not of the terrible thing that has happened in the past but the repercussions of it, the knowledge that something is wrong and it can never be fixed, that it's never going to be all right again. I think about hopelessness, and deep sorrows that make you depressed enough that you just want to end it – and a mood that actually suggests that it's the best course of action. I guess that's another reason I don't get very far. My characters often just want to kill themselves, and they burn with a passion for the end that they just do it. Some writers of fiction say at their heart that they are really poets. If I ever become a writer, I'll have to admit that first and foremost I am an author of suicide notes.
I like having my characters make the wrong choices. Doing the smart thing is something I hate other people for, and I guess I want to doom my characters to suffering the same fate I have in life. I do actually like perfection, but that's a habit that I'm going to have to break. I've wasted too much time trying to come up with concepts that can speak to everyone universally, and I've come to realize that the only way things like that can be accomplished is by making them childish. To have any significant depth, I have to speak to souls like mine, and accept that most others aren't going to get it.
Aside from that, I don't really know. In a more flat-context I like Russia, the feel of the Soviet era and WWI conflict. I'm a bit of a Slavophile and I like their pre-Christian mythology a great deal. Ancient civilizations in general have a bit of a sway with me, but I'm turned off to many that just seem too cheesy to me because of what society around me has imagined of them. I do like the supernatural, but I like it in a subtle sense; where anything that happens is possibly explainable as someone being crazy. Ideally that they couldn't prove any of it if they ran out into the street screaming about this magic or that monster.
I'm a big Anime fan, but I can't draw so my interests there don't really help me. I guess a lot of my lack of being able to express myself goes back to the fact that I don't read as much as I like; but I have plenty of time for watching Anime and movies because they're easy and don't require brain power. Bah. It's late, I'm going to go read, I'll bitch more later. I don't even know what I wrote so far.